5 Strategies for Navigating the Holidays While Grieving
The holidays are often thought of as a time of joy, togetherness, and family. But what happens when your holidays look different? What happens when your table is not the same? After the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be especially challenging. You may feel anger, sadness, and emptiness. Everyone processes their grief differently, some people blame themselves, some people blame others, and for some, there is no blame just pain and loneliness. Having strategies to manage these feelings can help you get through this challenging time.
5 Strategies for Coping with the Holidays After a Loss:
1. Change Your Routine
Your traditions and holiday routines that were connected to the person you lost may be too painful to recreate. Having the same holiday experience, but without the person, you love, may be too difficult and that is okay. Especially soon after losing a loved one, it can be helpful to change up the normal holiday routine so the loss feels less acute. The pain of their absence may be less present if your holiday looks different this year. Some people, especially if the loss was an expected loss, find solace and comfort in the traditions and routine, and if that is the case for you then keep doing that. But just remember, that avoiding those challenging feelings during this time of the year will not impede your healing. Listen to what you need and engage in that behavior to help your healing.
2. Set Boundaries
Taking care of yourself during this painful time is important. Family members and friends may want to support and help you in the way they would feel supported and helped, but that is not always in line with what you want or need. Be sure to respectfully explain to people what you want and need for the holidays. For example, if you want to be alone, then explain to them that is what you need for your healing process and you hope they understand. Even if they push back, stand firm in asking for what you need, it will help your healing since you will feel safer knowing you are taking care of yourself and doing what is best for you at this time.
3. Find Moments to Pause
The holidays can often feel busy, and that might make is feel like we are forgetting the person we lost. Or it can cause us to feel overwhelmed and that we have no space to process. Make sure to add time into your day to pause, whether it’s to be alone with your thoughts, go on a long walk, or get lost in a book. Giving ourselves the space to pause brings up back into the present and can be a meaningful part of the healing process.
4. Honor Their Memory
Sometimes it can be helpful to honor the person's memory over the holiday. If there is a food they always baked, make it in their honor. If there is a story they always told, write it down and tell it to the people you love. Keeping their memory going can be very healing for some, but it is not for everyone.
5. Stay Distracted
If connecting to the loss is too painful, remind yourself that it is also okay to disconnect and distract. Your mind may be overwhelmed or spinning with thoughts of their absence, and it is okay to distract yourself from those thoughts. Working out, getting lost in a book, and meditating are just a few examples of strategies that can be helpful in distracting yourself from the pain. Remember, there is no right timeframe to grieve, and that grief comes in waves, when a big wave is crashing over you it is okay to distract yourself from the pain. There will always be time to process, just be kind to yourself and listen to what you need in those moments.
Realize that it is okay to not like the holidays, to find the holidays triggering, or to hate the holidays. Accept where you are in your grieving process, allow your needs to come first, and try to focus on taking things one day or one step at a time. Time will change how you feel, but what that change looks like you will not know so focus on the present. Focus on getting through these holidays, right now.
If you have questions about how to process your grief, how a therapist can support you on this journey, or how to navigate the holidays differently this year or next reach out to book an appointment online or over the phone with Dr. Rebecca Branda, Psy.D. today.